Break The Shell Open!

As the tall, dark and shady character wearing the HAL suit, lied his way back into a false reality he self prophesied his own existence into the cold spring streets of Iceland…
the stock market crashing in all around him…
luckily, he had brought his transmoragafier… turning all the stocks into penguins…

but then suddenly his HAL suit RROD’d
…as he cussed at the at the stupid M$hit 1D10T’s the penguins picked him up and flew him to push the button. push the button. push the button and. push the button and drop. drop. drop. drop. drop the bomb…

so, as Yasmine was saying “haha pants”
well now that we’ve got that sorted… I’m going to go get some jelly and hand the story telling over to him…

So, as I was skating down the hill into a jam half pipe the manowar shouted “DON’T YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT YOU ARE?!”

jgershogsiehyr80ghnipeshghdo

…so, as soon as i thought I’d asploded all the manowar with that spectacular feat of skill, he trapped me within a jam sandwich, sticky, artificial jam in a burnt and deformed shell of light

OH… he’s back… catchya later…

So… as we continue with the story of this peculiar man, he suddenly finds his thoughts trapped, within a box, he locks it up and swallows the combination and forgets it, never looking away so it don’t get stolen…

We we would both like to thank our editorial assistant, Elmo Lochie.
Cheers.

The Giant Pants Party.

The day was tuesday, the weather, fierce mild… as i stepped out onto the landing platform… people were baffled with the awesomeness of my… pants? as the party of giant pants formed themself into an elephant i realised they were the pants of businessmen and grey and boring the world away…

So! with my rainbow sword i sliced the businessphant into a million little pengiuns… destined to roam iceland with nothing but hope and chinese whispers….

as i stood there with all of my people, getting them to scream if they were with me… we led the onslaught to the strip bar… i mean… shopping centre *-) and then i had lunch with Caitie… Jay… as we listened to fake tales of san francisco murmur through the air we heavily extended the metaphor til it got minesweepered up…

but then… i got attacked by captain grammar, as she threw a paper aeroplane invitation to the GPP at me, and said, “i know, the title alone, is pretty amazing, but wait til you hear what happens, your here, in finland, wherever, and someone walks into the town and starts talking trash, just because someone isn’t wearing any pants… then he tries to get in someone else pants at the same time as them, and it all ends it leprechauns”

Amazed. At this revelation, i quickly hopped on my unicycle and rode right out of the particle collider, my story was emitting far too many photons, which i had to stop, so i rode to the HiPER centre, away from captain grammer and her yellow spandex outfit…

although, as i was changing my tire i realised this was the wrong way to go about it and instead decided to power my unicycle using cold fusion methods… using my fishing line i catapulted myself back into a slightly less absurd reality

landing on some dolphins i aplogised and swam to swan lake, upon where i danced a girl out of the party, we ran off into the night but stayed close so we coluld linger with a little stolen music and finish the dance….

so i was talking to kassia and she told me she was on top of a train, which i found quite odd as i was talking to her on a camera phone using video call and she looked like she was in her underground  aquarium home that she parties at, but, alas, she was a leprechaun.

and then the papers said she go attacked by a bull and severely mauled… but at the end of the story it said “but she was just having a bad dream… really she’s okay“

My Fucking Jacket!

Today was… interesting…

I woke up this morning. Pretty incredible hey, and then I went to work and came home… oh what a day.
bye.

wait… that’s not right…
I woke up did all the waking up in the freezing cold sheezy, it was colder than the lhc!
after getting dressed and ready I was set to leave, but then I realised I didn’t have my jacket and I couldn’t find it… but then I spotted my fucking jacket, it’s like my normal jacket but slightly more expressive!

so then I dashed off into my day… with nothing but the wind in my hair and the noise of the world around me… then I got hit by a bus! 😮 …and by ‘get hit by a bus’ I mean board a bus and ride it to work…

so there I was at work… “working” I mean, I totally! need to have firefox open to draw things in autoCAD, although studies do show that workers that are allowed to look at what they want on the interpie in the sky work better b’coz they’re happy, then again I’m always happy, but shh don’t tell *them* that…
but it was insane! the baby son of one of the guys at work watched a superman movie and thought he could do what superman did at home, but, alas, he couldn’t so he got sick which kinda blows…
but then… a telemarketer called up so I told him to fuck off… and then I thought, “Ben, you’ve done good today.” and went home…

so after returning to a house, I got on the computer and started talking on msn to people… which was entertaining, but oh noes, CassCass was in trouble, trapped up a tower! and I tried to save her, because she was so unhappy 😦
but alas, I did not hold the key to the tower (her happiness) at that time, knowledge, so I went and chopped a tree down, or played ps3, either one.
But then! the tower was unlocked (she gained her knowledge and was happy), so I saved her from a dragon and reminded her about her blog 😛 but then she threw me off the tower with a trumpet…

which was all very surprising…

but then! not surprisingly at all, the most incredibly possible thing happened and I was asked out on date for Friday, but really, that just comes naturally for me, so you kinda knew that was gonna happen anyway, didn’t you? it could possibly have more to do with us both trying to get over other people/past relationships, but really, what’s wrong with that, she’s trying to get over Benito Mussolini. I mean, I reckon I’d need someone pretty spectacular, such as myself, to get over Bjork, she’s just too far away…

although Kylie Minogue is a pretty stunning lady…

unfortunately for her though, I’d already agreed to be taken to a cocktail party with a charming local lass

retrospectively though, the reason for Cass’ temporary sadness was, in fact, more surprising.
however, all was resolved beneficially for all involved. 😀

*explodes*

The Story

I have intended for a long time to start a blog, which like many others would be stories from my life, such as things i see, experience, lies, made up things or all of the above… Just told in my own pretentious/hyperbolic/exaggerated way… just for some fun… to fill the times between. 🙂

and your reading it, hooray.

kthnx.